Im beginning to be so impatient with my life... especially with my career, if i may cal it that way...
Well, im not earning much compared sa ibang "La Salle" grad. 10T lang less tax, less philhealth and other achuchuchu. three months had passed, my boss is already processing our papers for early regularization, so im gonna get meal allowance ang rice subsidy every two months. But still, its not much. Or rather i say, still not enough. Though i used to say, its fair coz what could i expect from working on top of the mountains. haha! But for the past few weeks, i m beginning to be impatient. I wanna do lots of things, that i though id be able to do when im done schooling. But not, and so sad... Haay... would anyone tell me how would i be able to do bunjee jumping, snorkling in anilao, go to boracay, or have some trip to hongkong to go shopping with just 10T salary? Yeah possibly, only if dont pay house rent, service, electricity, groceries, and mom's share, and nephew's share, and neice's share, ang other's share.... Haay....

I also got pissed off, when my boss got back from her maternity leave, telling us that our stocks would not be available until October 2005, (that's the earliest!). Gusto kong sumigaw! Grrr! I felt like ginago ako! I took that low paying job, because they promised me stocks vesting upon boarding... So, i should be vesting already around 50 shares for the three months ive worked for that company. Not only that, she told us that the company would not allow, probationary employees to get stocks, that's why she's working our papers for regularization, before we could get our shares... Stupdity as i may very well say... Grrr! Im expecting to be trading already by january, but just because of that stupidity, i'll be waiting a year and another three months to sell my shares...


So feeling ko, super slow ang pag move ng life ko. Im not used to it. Sa La salle, everything is happening so fast. Di mo mamalayan modterms na... But now, everything seems to be in slow motion... haay...

ang bilis ng panahon! ang dami kong namiss. at sigurado ako, pagkatpos ko dito, mamiss ko na ito ulit... matagal na panahon ng huli akong nagblog. Namiss kong basahin ang mga sentimyento ng mga tao. gusto ko man magtagal, ngunit kelangan ko ng lumisan....
bitin ba? hehe

email nyo naman ako.. cv.csr@dalsemi.com

Heart of Crystal

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i read something just a few minutes ago. Well its not just something, coz right now i want to burst into tears. The last time i felt ths way was last year. It hurts. It really hurst. Damn. I could still feel this damn pain! It hurts man! need i say more?

Well you know, heartaches? Nobody has yet invented any medicine for this kind of stuff. Not even herbal doctors. Its more than the feeling of, a couple of people simultaneously slapping your face off. Kaya mong tiisin yung sakit pero, un pride mo sinasabing, pucha! gumanti ka naman! But you see no people around you. No one to blame but yourself. If i just have enough guts to shoot myself, and see myself with scattered brain parts while my soul goes out of my body, i would have done that a long time ago. im a not so violent person, if there such a thing.

Well here i am again. Stuck on the same situation. now, i kinda want to believe that history repeats itself. Luckily, im not that affected, well i am but not that affected. do you get what i mean? Im in tears right at this very moment, but i guess, if not for God, i could have been on the floor right now, sobbing, not minding people, drinking and having a piece of cigar. But i realized, if its not really for me, then it isnt. Maybe your saying,  this is all bullshit. well guess what, it is. He is.

grabe! since saturday evening, till last nyt, nanuod lang ako ng movies! ang saya! Wasted time, pero masaya! hehe. Masaya kasi napanuod ko yung mga favorite movies ko na long lost na. hehe. di naman masyado. ;) bumili kasi kami ni andie ng vcds sa landamrk, super sale kasi. ang mura lang, 125-250 ata yung mga price. Onti lang binili ko pero si andie, pinahiram nya sa akin yung mga binili nya kasi, BORACAY sila for the whole week! grabe saya din noh? hehe, andie! yung white sand ko ha?


Im taking up summer classes. Grabe bilis. biruin nyo, kaka-start lang namin nung thurs. tapos sa mon, midterms na! ??? ang daming pinababasa, nakakalito pa. Yung philo ko, nakakaloka, hirap idetermine kung anu-anung fallacies choochoo. Yng RIZAL ko naman, asus! yung prof ko eh, hanep! kabisado ang noli, el fili at lahat ng tungkol kay rizal. pati hisotry ng spain at ng pilipinas. ngayon, tambak na yung mga  babasahin ko, syempre, nanuod lang ako nung weekend eh. hehe

Punta kami laguna mayang gabi nina kiko, kuya rom, charm at de lara, hanap kami place para sa outing namin sa May 8 and 9. mukhang uumagahin na ako ng uwi. hopefully magising ako bukas para sa 8am class ko. yun lang...

Hello! grabe! ang tagal kong di nakapagpost! Finals week kasi last week! and daming nangyari sobra!
1. Ganda ng grades ko: 4.0, 3.5, 3.5, 3.0, 3.0 hehe, tas 1.0! Well, okay pa rin kesa bagsak. (4.0 samin ang highest!) ;) At first, bagsak talaga yung nakasulat sa card ko, pero nagkamali pala sya ng computation. hehe, math prof pa man din. Pero okay na rin, kasi pinasa na nya ako. ;)

2. Nawala yung necklace ko sa fort bonicio pero after a few days, nahanap ko din. ;) I mean, may nakapulot kasi. Baka isipin nyong hinanap ko yun dun. hehe. hirap nun ha!

3. Nagkita kami ni ----. Nakakatuwa kasi okay kami. Pero at the same time, di ako masyado bothered. I mean, wala lang... Haay...

4. Nakapag-laro ulit ako ng favorite sports ko which is volleyball. huli kong laro ata nito mga 2 years ago pa, hehe, LSAL kasi. ;)

5. Bumili din ako ng HTML book, kasi i planning to put up my own website. although sabi ni gia, wag nako bumili kaso mapilit at makulit lang talaga ko.

6. Ngayon mas malaki na yung chance na grumaduate ako kasi naipass ko na lahat ng math subjects ko. Philosophy nalang at JPrizal. yipee! although wala nang allowance, at least, wala na rin isusumbat sayo. ;)

7. First time in my entire lasal stay na magsummer ako. mejo hirap pala kasi two hours yun per subject tas everyday til sat. nakakaantok. tas parehong terror pa yung prof. haay. pero kakayanin ko, para makalabas na ng lasal.

8. Naiplan ko na rin maigi yung outing reunion namin ng magbabarkada. sama kayo? ;)

9. Ni-organize ko na din yung goals ko for each day at for the week. sana magawa ko cla.

10. Isa sa goals ko eh, mai-update ko itong blog ko atleast every other day. :)

11. Miss ko na agad yung mga tao. para kasing ako lang ang nagsummer sa mga barkada ko eh. Well, enrolled sila pero gawa cla thesis sa mga bahay bahay nila. pero anyway, isang buwan nalang naman, so dapat sanayin ko na.

12. Gia ang i are planning to enroll dancing lessons on may. haha! yeah! modern naman! para lang meron kami kahit konting exercise.

13. I hope to visit andie after their boracay activity. Andie! yung buhangin ko ha? wag mo kakalimutan!~

14. Vina! matatapos na yung boobita rose! asan ka na?

15. Mazel! bakit ka nga naiiyak?

16. Osy, huhu, miss na kita!

i found this link on andie's page. ;)

You're Anne of Green Gables!
by L.M. Montgomery
Bright, chipper, vivid, but with the emotional fortitude of cottage cheese, you make quite an impression on everyone you meet. You're impulsive, rash, honest, and probably don't have a great relationship with your parents. People hurt your feelings constantly, but your brazen honestly doesn't exactly treat others with kid gloves. Ultimately, though, you win the hearts and minds of everyone that matters. You spell your name with an E and you want everyone to know about it.
Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

Boylet update: Months have passed when i decided to tell him(you know) how i really feel for him. My friends have different reactions about it. Most of them says, go girl! But others seem to be negative about it. It has been 6? or seven years? seven fucking long years that i hide those feelings dahil na rin sa maraming rason. Since ive opened that issue to my friends, most of the time, kinokonect nila yung name nya sa name ko. At first okay lang naman. It's their way of teasing me. One time, i was planning to put up my own site, tinanong ko kung anong magandang pangalan sa site, hehe, gia said ----forver :) haha! Until now, okay lang naman. Napapaisip Lang ako, at the same time, nagwoworry lang ako for them. Kasi parang they're expecting, na pag sinabi ko na sa kanya, magiging kami. Or basta magiging okay ang lahat. Well, that's another story.

I have decided to tell him, not because somebody told me, or i just felt like saying it, well somehow but not exactly. I had prayed about it. Struggled for it, begged God if that's it. And so many things happened after. I believe God has told me to do so. 

Seven years, i've been slaved by those feelings. I struggled so hard just to keep those feelings. I was badly hurt many times. He made me happy and joyful, but then, he has also caused me pains. I have suppressed those feeling for a long time. Finally God told me, to tell him how i really feel. He taught me not to expect anything, because His goal is just to set me free from that emotion. To be free from living the "what ifs in my life".

I prayed To god to give me enough courage to do it. And He did. He gave me courage, strength and faith. Words like, "For I, the Lord your God, know the plans i have laid for you. -Jer 29:11", suddenly became different. I felt God was saying, " i may not be able to make him love you, i promise to love you whatever his feelings may be, I promise to love and to hold you unconditionally. "Trust in the Lord and do good... And He will give you your heart's desire- Psalm 37 3:4", God was like telling me, trust me my child, everything will be fine, it may not go what you have planned, but surely, your greatest and deepest desire, revealed or unrevealed, will be of my will.

He made me ready to accept whatever his reactions may be. He showed me the pro's and cons of it. Pro's can be easily accepted, but when He showed the cons, it was really painful. But then again, he mold me to be a person of acceptance and contentment. And happy about it. Then i prayed to God to be the one to set the time for us. The right time to tell him everything. Just a month ago, we met. But God said, "not yet". So i said, "ok".

We talked, well not exactly face to face (boylet). We do chat. But now its different, i felt like having a certain freedom. I don't know if it's good or not. But a certain feeling wherein, i don't care so much about him. I am no longer excited about his messages. I am not even interested on replying. Could i have reached the point of letting go? Or could it be just a status qou? Will it pass? Will i go back to the time, where i missed him so much? Where i was dying to hear his voice even on the phone? Will i be feeling so depressed again not getting a call from him? Will i feel wasted again? Will the "kilig" come back?

WHERE AM I?

Is this one of his plans? Well, i still feel the need to tell him. The urged to tell him all. But the enthusiam is gone. i don't know why. I don't know how. Can somebody tell me what the hell is it? God? i beg you to come and tell it to my face. huhuhu.

side track: Vina! showing na boobita rose sa wednesday! haha! asan na fans club natin? Gagawa na ba ako ng posters? nyaha!

huhu... yun lang.. help?!